PUNCH & JUDY by Lee Redwood (Aged 11 years)

At the beginning Lee will bring out a puppet (Punch) who will introduce the show.

        Curtain opens and every one, hopefully, claps.

Punch: Oh hello everybody, well, every banana should I say
Judy: Oh Mister Punch how DARE you speak to the children like that, don't listen to him children he's always rude like that!
Punch: I am not.
Judy: Yes you are. Anyway, are you hungry Mr. Punch? (Punch nods)
Ok then, do you like knuckle sandwiches? (Punch nods again) Ok, I will get you one.
While you do that, I will look after the baby.
Judy: Ok then (she goes downstairs to get the baby, comes up and gives it to Punch) and don't forget to call me if Punch hurts the baby.
Punch: Ok bye then. Googoo gaga (he speaks to the baby)
Rocka bye baby on the treetops, when the wind blows the baby will drop!
Audience: JUDY JUDY JUDY!!
Judy: what is it children?
Audience: He hit the baby etc..
Judy: Mister Punch I never thought I'd see the day when you would hit my baby Timmy (she talks to the baby)
: I did not!
Judy: well the audience said that you did
Punch: Ok then I will be nice to him this time
Judy: good, good (she goes to get the knuckle sandwich)
Walk around the garden like a teddy bear, 1 hit, 2 hit and hit him over there.
Audience: Judy ETC..
(Judy hums while ignoring .If the audience still call, enter Judy from the side and repeat the last sequence.)
Now listen to this; hey diddle didddle, the cat and the fiddle, the baby jumped over the moon (he throws the baby into the audience)
Audience: JUDY ETC..
what is it children?
Audience: Punch hit the baby etc..
Judy: well Mister Punch, I was going to get you some cookies but here's you knuckle sandwich! (Judy hits Punch on the head when suddenly Punch takes the stick and starts to hit Judy in the same way. This is when the hand is taken out of Judy and into the ghost.)
well that's our Judy gone! But wait a minute when somebody gets hit on the head with a wooden spoon there's always a ghost!!!
Ghost: (rises from Judy looks, at the audience and then speaks) I am the ghost of Judy the fourth. Did you know that she came from up north…?
Punch: no I didn't know that but carry on.
Ghost: I have come to haunt you because you knocked me out
Punch: no. Wait a cokin pickn minute…. I didn't knock you out I knocked Judy out
Ghost: I AM JUDY
fine, fine don't get so stressy and wessy and tessy…wait a minute we're not doing a Noddy show here. Anyway go away!
Ghost: Ok, Ok, Ok! (The Ghost slips back into Judy. This is when the hand goes into the policeman)
Policeman effects:
nee nor, nee nor
Punch: Oh no the policeman is coming!
Policeman: I'm coming upstairs to see you Mister Punch.
Punch: Uh – oh The Policeman Is coming is coming he me because I knocked Judy out
Policeman: Ello ello ello what's goin' on here then
Punch: er…. I came along to see that there was a lovely 'Judy coloured' sofa
Policeman: well that so called 'Judy coloured' sofa looks like a real Judy to me.
Punch: well it's not.
Policeman: well I'm very sorry Mister Punch but I've got a warrant for your arrest!
Punch: You've left your wallet in your vest?!
Policeman: No no no. I've a warrant for your arrest!
Punch: I need to go and have a rest? Well, you can't do that! Were in the middle of a show!
Punch: no Mister plod please
Policeman: sorry but you're not fooling me about, you're coming with me.
Punch: no I am not (Punch goes to get his stick and hits the policeman on the head this is when the hand is going into the clown))
Punch: 1,2… (The clown comes up straight after Punch says 2)
Punch: aye how's that there was only 3, and I don't remember hitting an ugly clown like that
Clown: oy I'm not ugly
Punch: yes you are!! (He hits the clown and, quite pleased with himself he goes to get the cookies this is when 2 hands go into the twins who say helloooaaa like the chuckle brothers)
Twin 1: we know what you've been doing!
Twin 2: yeah and we are going to tell the devil on you!!!
Punch: no, please don't…(everything seems to freeze while Punch talks to the audience)
Shall I use my stick on them or would that be to mean? Oh what the heck… who needs bananas help anyway!!
Audience: we're not bananas
Punch: don't be so silly!!
Everything unfreezes and Punch hits them one by one
well that was a bit of a laugh wasn't it!
Devil: Mister Punch… Mister puuuuuuunnnnnnnccccccchhhhhhh
Punch: what, where, whose that
Devil: It's me your loyal friend the devil
Punch: you're not loyal and you're not a friend either
Devil: yes I am. Now I command you pull me up… mmmm what lovely bananas there are out there
Punch: no they are not bananas now what do you want
Devil: come with me, I have a little surprise for you… Adam come and watch these bananas and eat one if they are naughty!!!
(Adam is the Devils assistant)
    (Punch and the devil go down… this is when the hand goes into the doctor and wizard… suddenly there is a big bang and Punch comes up screaming…)
    Punch: ow I have hurt my bottom!! Doctor, doctor
    Doctor: sorry I do not do bottoms.
    Well you do now
    Doctor: There we go!
    Punch: Ouch!!
    Doctor: Okay I'll put it back in again (this sequence is repeated. On the last time, Punch screams and falls down into the "downstairs" area).

    puppet bows.