Punch and Judy Script

Punch Cries Wolf…

by Barry Hopkins alias Uncle Wiggy

Characters:- Punch & Judy, Baby, Joey the Clown, Crocodile, optional Policeman
Props:- Sausages and a Frying Pan
I have in general omitted the audience reaction as I think that most
performers can guess what the reactions and replies will be. Several parts
can be extended by repeating the back and forth calls, this would be
different each show as every set of children react differently to the same
points in the show? Why !! It's a mystery!
The start…..

Performer - Who would like to see Mr Punch? I'll check to see if he is ready for
Look over play board
Performer - Quick Close your eyes, Mr Punch hasn't got his trousers on! You don't
want to see him in his knickers ? Do you!
Look over play board
Performer - Well he's not quite ready yet, he is just combing his hair with a
vacuum cleaner!!!
Look over play board again
Performer - Now he's cleaning his teeth with a Dust Pan Brush!! I better go and
find him and send him up to see you
Enter the booth calling for Mr Punch
Performer - I can't find him anywhere. You wait there and I will go and look for
Calling Mr Punch get quieter and quieter as if you were leaving the area.
Up pops Judy
Judy - Hello Boys and Girls, I've been looking for Mr Punch ! You haven't
seen him have you?
Punch pops up and places a brick or toy on the play board. Pops down.
Judy - Well I think Mr Punch has been here because hes left a mess! Are you
bedrooms a mess boys and Girls? If they are tell mummy it must have been Mr
Punch visiting He always leaves a mess! I better tidy up.
Pick up toy and take it down, Transfer to Punch. He puts it back on the
board. Judy returns.
Judy - Have you seen Mr Punch? Notice Toy again I didn't see that one, I must
need glasses, especially those small ones with Gin and Tonic in them!!! I'll
take it down stairs
Pick up toy and take it down again , Transfer to Punch. He puts it back on
the board. Judy returns.
Judy - Not again ! instead of taking it down stairs I'll throw it down and we
will catch Mr Punch next time. One Two Three drop the toy !
Punch - Oooch
Judy - Oh dear It landed on his nose! He has big nose, Oh no he's going to
chase me!! Don't tell him I am hiding down stairs,
Bring Judy down and Punch Up
Punch - Where's Judy?
Audience shout down stairs!
Punch - Thank you
Punch Down Judy Up
Judy - Who told him I was down stairs You traitors! Here he comes again!
Hide Judy in corner but seen. Bring up Punch who doesn't see her!
Punch - Judy JUDY where are you ?
Look around under but don't see her, peep round corner, Judy creeps up to him
and shouts BOO!
Judy - Hello Mr Punch You were a naughty boy making that mess but you can
help me now and make up for it! Would you do me a favour?
Punch - Strawberry!
Judy - What?
Punch - Strawberry!!
Judy I said a favour not a flavour!! Would you look after the baby for me
while I do some shopping?
Punch - OK
Judy I'll get him. He's in the washing machine!
Judy - Yes he did a dirty nappy so I put the nappy in the bath and the baby
in the washing machine to get him clean!
Punch - That the wrong way round!
Judy No the washing machine gets him clean! The baby gets dirty by himself!
Punch - NO It the wrong way round!!
Judy Ooooh No! It's a good job I don't use disposible nappies - I might have
thrown the baby in the dustbin!. I'll rescue him before it gets to a 1000 spin!
Move Judy down stairs.
Judy - Oh NO
Punch What's up?
Judy The baby he's wet! I know what to do I'll put him in the Tumble Drier!
Punch - NO!
Judy - Well he doesn't fit in the microwave? Any way he's dripped dry now so
I can bring him up!
Bring Judy and the baby up
Judy - Say Hello to the boys and girls? Here a chip of the old block! He
comes from the same piece of wood.! Now Mr Punch will you hold the baby for
Punch hold the baby up side down
Judy - Not like that his brains will rush to his feet!

Turn the baby up the right way
Judy Lie the baby down and we will sing him a song
Punch puts the baby down hard on his face.
Judy NO NOT LIKE that gently on his back that's what Ann Diamond teaches us,
to put baby's on their back. It the way to do it! Do you know any songs Mr
Punch - Teletubbies!
Judy No that will send every body to sleep, what about "Rock-a-bye-baby" Do
ou know that one boys and girls? Here we Go 1-2-3….
Punch then shouts in the babys face and shouts Rock-a-bye very loud!
Judy NO.NO.NO Not like that sing nicly Mr Punch. The boys and Girls will be
watching and If you shout like that again then they will call me and I will
give you "What for!" keep an eye on him and call me if he shouts, I'm going
to get tready to go shopping.
Punch then sings very nicly rock-a-bye baby but when finished he flipps his
legs over and sits on the baby. The audience will now call for Judy.
Judy Whats going on here then. MR PUNCH YOUR SITTING ON THE BABY. That's nor
right is it boys and Girls? What do you think you are doing Mr Punch?
Judy That not the way to go baby-sitting is it boys and girls? I hope your
baby sitters do not sit on you! Mr Punch you are so naughty I am going to
take the baby with me. Any way he's gone wrinkly after his bath, so I better
Iron him Bye Bye.
Punch - I don't think Judy loves me any more!! Boo Hoo!
Joey pops up and blows a raspberry in Punch's ear. He doesn't see him.
Punch Who was that?
Joey from under the playboard - Banana Nose
Punch looks down Joey pops up - "Custard Face"
Punch Looks up Joey from under board "Spaghetti hair"
Punch looks down Joey shouts "BOOOO!"
Joey - Hello Mr Punch Hello boys and girls. Hey Mr Punch Ive got a surprize
fopr you!
Punch What is it?
Joey I cant tell you can I
Punch Why not?
Joey Well if I told you it wouldn't be a surprize would boys and girls! Mr
Punch I want you to close you eyes and DO NOT PEEP! Keep whatch boys and
girls and if he peeps you call me Im Joey and I will catch him. Close your
eyes Mr Punch!!
Punch OK I'll be a good boy and wont peep!
Joey Ill be back in a MO
Punch Il be a good boy - a very good boy a very very very good boy
Punch looks down.
Up pops Joey
Joey Did he look!
Audience Oh yes you did
Joey Is Mr Punch telling Fibs and Lies and Porky Pies? It's not nice to tell
lies, Telling lies will get you into trouble wont it boys and girls! You must
not lie its naughty. And Mr Punch DON'T LOOK!!!
Punch OK I'll be a good boy and wont peep!
Joey Ill be back in a MO
Punch I'll be a good boy - a very good boy a very very very very very good boy
Punch looks down.
Joey pops up with the sausages and puts them down
Joey Did he look
Audience YES
Punch No I didn't
Audience YES YOU DID
Joey Is he telling fibs and lies and porky pies again.? Mr Punch I told you,
that you would get into trouble telling lies! Now you have to guess what the
surprise is , keep your eyes closed, 1,2,3…
Punch looks
Punch - Sausages
Joey That was very good
Audience - He looked!
Joey Mr Punch did you cheat?
Punch No I didn't
Audience YES YOU DID
Punch Ooooh NO I DIDN'T
Audience YES YOU DID
Joey Did he look (YES) Well Mr Punch I told you would be in trouble if you
kept telling fibs and lies and porky pies … Now you be a good boy and watch
the sausages while I get a frying pan. Keep an eye on him
Joey goes down
Punch - I'll be a good boy… I'll sing a song "Oh I do like to be beside the
sea side
While punch sings the sausages move along the board… Punch gets them back…
this is repeated.
Punch - "half a pound of sausages, half a pound of treacle, that's the way
the money goes POP
At the word POP the crocodile apears and snaps his teeth.
Punch - Oh look it's a pussy cat! Here pussy pussy…Nice pussy cat…
Punch strokes the crocodile, The croc snaps but misses, punch does not notice
abd strokes again… again a snap, but misses, Punch look round and the croc
snaps down and cathes punches nose…
Punch Ohh Ohh my nose
Punch breaks loose and hits the crocodile who retreats back down
Joey calling from below "Ive' found the frying pan,
Punch Oh No
Joey what do you mean Oh No I hope everything is alright!
Punch Sort off… I know where the sausages are,
Joey You lost the sausages???
Punch NO It was a crocodile… it Bit me on the nose… Then he ate the sausages…
Joey Earlier you were telling me fibs about peeping, Then you told me lies
about cheating, ………There's no such thing as a crocodile … IT WAS YOU WHO
ATE THE SAUSAGES,, You are a LIAR…Liar liar pants on fire,
Joey chases Punch hitting him on the head with the frying pan shouting liar
liar, Punch protesting his innocence and of course so will the audience.
Policeman or Judy - Well boys and Girls, was Mr Punch Telling the truth ? But
he was telling fibs earlier wasn't he! And that's what happens when YOU tell
fibs….People will not believe you when you tell the truth………………..And
another thing that might happen to you if you tell fibs……..(pause) ………Joey
might hit YOU ON THE HEAD So always tell the truth. I better go and tell the
truth to Joey and save Mr Punch…. Bye Bye Boys and Girls.
Performer - comes out from the booth act VERY CROSS INDEED, calling Mr
Punch MR PUNCH, Tell the boys and girls I am VERY cross because I could not
find Mr Punch… They will tell you where his is or was and the I go through
the story asking them if he was a good boy, kind to the baby etc etc…